The weather outside greatly depicts how I feel right now...  So I decided to write about it in hopes of making myself feel a little better.  This is very different than anything I've done before...  So just bare with me.  I don't really know where I'm going with this, so I figure I'll just write until I feel like it's finished.



The sky is dark...  My soul feels as if it's been blackened by my sins.  I'm far from God.  I feel the distance, and it kills me...  But as scared as I am to trek further into darkness, I'm even more scared to go back.  The sky is getting darker, and I'm losing my way even more so.  I'm wandering around in this blackness, desperately grasping for a kind and familiar, loving hand to lead the way.  But there is not one.  No one is there.  It's just me...  I chose this path.  I knew I would have to walk it alone.  I did this to me.  Going back now would mean giving up everything I've come so far to achieve.  I fear it would make me a fake.  I'm scared of my heart being soft again.  I'm scared of being looked down upon.  I don't think I could stand looking into my family's faces knowing that they think of me as a disgrace.  So I keep walking down my path.

The sky is sad.  It's raining...  Seven raindrops for every tear that I've shed today.  The only difference is the sky cries in front of everyone, but no one sees me cry.  Only Heaven can see.  Heaven knows the darkness within me, and it is begging me to turn back.  But I can't.  So I just keep walking down my path.

The sky is angry.  I can hear her growling outside my window.  She's taunting me...  Wanting me to come drown in her tears.  A bird chirps happily, but the sky responds with loud claps of thunder.  She's resentful of the bird's happy nature because she, herself, is so sad and angry.  Her noise is much louder than the bird's.  Her fierceness can be heard by all.  She is trying to warn me...  There is trouble ahead...  But I have to keep walking down my path.

The sky is weakening.  Streaks of light are falling from the sky, searching for something... anything... that it may strike down, hoping to cause pain for everyone in it's path.  So desperately searching...  I feel as if I've been hit by her wrath.  My strength is gone and my tears have run dry.  I am now consumed by total darkness.  Not knowing where to turn, I stop.  I beg Heaven to throw out a lifeline...  But Heaven doesn't answer because I have strayed too far.  I have lost my way.  I don't even know how to get back anymore, but I know I can't continue...  So I hit my knees...  I cannot walk any further.

301

i would awake shaking
feeling what a wolf must
before it chews off its own foot
to escape a well laid trap

you would murmur sleepily
turn towards me and drop an arm
across my erratically rising chest
and i would feel at once secure

hours upon hours we spent
chatting, giggling, playing
in that room of painted lilac
and medical ceiling

that room which was kept
at a constant state of sweaty comfort
which often smelled of ramen
left out for days on end

it was bizarre how easily you fit
inside my self-made world of chaos
though i couldn't see it
through the repetition of each day

but now it just so happens
that there is another girl with
nightmares so bold you toss a careless arm
over her in sleepy protection

while i awake panting
heart beating wildly
arms reaching out to pull you close
only to bring back a sweat stained pillow

I found her like a wild thing
Wading the sea foam there
On the seashore and staring out,
The girl in the black raincoat
As if she were meeting a god.

I found her like a wild thing,
Wearing her sea-curled hair
On her shoulders and looking up,
The girl in the black raincoat,
As if she were kissing the sun.

I found her like a wild thing,
Dancing the sand-made stair
By the breakers and gazing down,
The girl in the black raincoat,
As if she were drinking the sea.

I found myself a wild thing,
Kissing her sun-bronzed face
On the sand dunes and shouting out,
To the girl in the black raincoat,
That I was taking god's place.

Tell me a story. So I figured this would be easier for me to deal with than making a whole website, not to mention faster. So here we go. If you want to post something email me at me_yes_me05@yahoo.com and I'll give you the password. That way it will be anonymous if you want it to be. If not you are free to put your name at the bottom of the post. So go ahead and post whatever you like here or join the facebook group I made and post there. http://ua.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2298482530 Only rules are: Do not change the layout or anything like that. And do not delete anyone's posts but yours. Oh and don't be a total jerk leaving comments. Everybody has a right to their opinion, as I am a very firm believer in free speech, but really don't be an ass about it.

Ryanne